Here's another for you all to laugh about!

[hawky94]

So the Pope has resigned due to 'advanced age'.

Well put.

We do live in an age that's too advanced for Popes.

 

[hawky94]

"Your driving is ****ing terrible," I said to my wife.

"Oh come on!" She said, "It's not that bad."

I just shook my head as I took a deep breath, got out of the car and swam to the surface.

 

[Capt Frogman]

FOR SALE - FULL SET OF MECHANICS TOOLS & OVERALLS. CONTACT SALLY WEBSTER.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/-/200898402617

 

[Capt Frogman]

The Tesco scandal has now moved onto B&Q. Their wooden flooring has laminit.

 

[The Highway Man]

Roses are red,
Apples are fruity,
Don't eat lasagne,
It might be Black Beauty!!!

 

[Capt Frogman]

What's the most sensitive part of a woman?

Her fat arse.

 

[Capt Frogman]

My wife reached the big 4-0 today.

Just another 30 stones to lose before she reaches her goal.

 

[Capt Frogman]

I've just shot an intruder in my bathroom.

I had mistaken him for my wife.

 

[Capt Frogman]

My wife hasn't spoken to me in days.

I thought I was meant to be punished for forgetting our anniversary.

 

[Capt Frogman]

Research has revealed that women are to blame for 40% of all driving accidents.

The other 60% were caused by women who weren't driving.

 

[Capt Frogman]

My wife suggested we try vegetables in the bedroom.

It was fun but they kept drooling all over the sheets.

 

[Capt Frogman]

The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow.

Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.

 

[Capt Frogman]

My mate got a sex change today, and I must say it went very well.

He's still trying to reverse out of the car park.

 

[The Highway Man]

Is it a coincidence that the word 'Hamburgers' is an anagram of 'Shergar bum'!!!

 

[Capt Frogman]

Because I'm stressed I've started sniffing glue.

It's the only thing holding me together

 

[Capt Frogman]

Following the horsemeat scandal, BMW and Audi have reassured customers their products still contain 100% c**t.

 

[Capt Frogman]

I'm not saying my wife's got a fat arse..


But f**king her from behind leaves a skidmark on my chest.

 

[Capt Frogman]

Whenever I get bored, I like to see what's the quickest time I can ********* in.

That's why my wife doesn't take me to the theatre anymore.

 

[Capt Frogman]

Accordion to recent surveys, words replaced by musical instruments will often go unnoticed in a sentence.

 

[Capt Frogman]

Jeremy Kyle claims that without The Sun newspapers, he would have died.

As if anyone needed another reason not to buy The Sun.