Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
According to the documents in my neighbour's rubbish, I'm a "stalker".
Here's another for you all to laugh about!
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
Is that a mouse in your knickers or are we just not having sex for the next 4-5 days?
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
My wife has been rushed to hospital with a suspected heart attack
I'm shocked and confused.
The ***** has a heart ?
I'm shocked and confused.
The ***** has a heart ?
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
I never look down on any wimens.
Unless they are showing some awesome cleavage.
Unless they are showing some awesome cleavage.
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
No matter how you 'arrange' your vajazzle...
It's still Braille for 'slag.'
It's still Braille for 'slag.'
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
I'll never forget my first thought on seeing my first child's head pop out.
"That fanny's ruined"
"That fanny's ruined"
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
My wife complained that I read far too much into her most innocent comments.
I think she was trying to tell me she's having an affair.
I think she was trying to tell me she's having an affair.
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
Katie Price has announced she is pregnant again.
Just think, kiddo; out of 200 million sperm, you were the unluckiest.
Just think, kiddo; out of 200 million sperm, you were the unluckiest.
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
I got five grams of charlie delivered last night.
That's when I knew my son's kidnappers weren't f**king about.
That's when I knew my son's kidnappers weren't f**king about.
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
Next time a woman tells you that you're lazy, remind her that she has to sit down to have a p**s.
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
I've put up a poster of Oscar Pistorius in our bathroom.
It's stopped my girlfriend complaining about me leaving the toilet seat up.
It's stopped my girlfriend complaining about me leaving the toilet seat up.
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
So Katie Price has had some of her eggs frozen...
Well if you leave your legs open for that long, you're bound to get a draught.
Well if you leave your legs open for that long, you're bound to get a draught.
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
Scientists predict that by year 2065, you will be no more than 10ft from someone who has fathered a child with Katie Price.
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
What's got 2 legs and kills women?
The Pistorius brothers.
The Pistorius brothers.
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
"Johnny, why does your dad call your mum Fanny when I know her name is Frances"?
"Because it's better than calling her c**t in public, Miss."
"Because it's better than calling her c**t in public, Miss."
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
My ***** is only 4cm long and makes prostitutes laugh.
Luckily I've got an extra 9mm up my sleeve, which shuts them the f**k up.
Luckily I've got an extra 9mm up my sleeve, which shuts them the f**k up.
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
Being someone's wingman or "Always the bridesmaid, never the bride" pretty much mean the same thing.
You're an ugly c**t.
You're an ugly c**t.
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
IKEA meatballs contain horse DNA...
There's a joke in there somewhere, you'll have to assemble it yourselves.
There's a joke in there somewhere, you'll have to assemble it yourselves.
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
When I won the Lotto jackpot,I decided to share it with my ex.
"I won the Lotto Jackpot you f**king *****." I shouted over the phone.
"I won the Lotto Jackpot you f**king *****." I shouted over the phone.
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
I've been down in the dumps lately.
The food there is better than the wife's cooking
The food there is better than the wife's cooking