Here's another for you all to laugh about!

My wife said she was leaving me because I never stick up for myself.

I was so mad, I almost said something.
 
My wife went off birth control without telling me, now she's pregnant.

Funny that...

I had a vasectomy six months back without telling her.
 
Sometimes I sit and look at my wife of an evening and think how lucky I am.

Lucky that I found such an open-minded taxidermist.
 
My wife's constant moaning that she never gets any flowers, drove me to kill her.

She's getting tons of them sent now.
 
My mates call my wife the praying mantis. Not because she wears the pants in our marriage or anything.

She's anorexic..

..and green.
 
One for our occifers of the law. ;)

I woke up this morning and there was a bloke stealing my gate.
I didn't want to say anything in case he took a fence.
 
It's a little known fact that my son was made in a laboratory.

His mum was one of my science students.
 
My wife bought me a set of golf clubs for my birthday.

I can't wait for someone to break into my house so that I can try them out.
 
The Vatican says that the Pope has resigned because he no longer has the strength to carry out his duties.

Fair enough

At his age it can't be easy holding down a struggling 10 year old.
 
I can't sleep at night, so I try counting sheep but then my ADD kicks in, and it's One sheep, two sheep, pig, cow, horse, OLD MACDONALD HAD A FARM, HEEEEY MACARINA!!!
 
When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant I said, " Don't worry. Lots of single mums have happy lives."
 
Katie Price recently called Kelly Brook a heifer.

Which is worse, being called a heifer, or having a c**t the size of one?
 
Since my wife gave birth to triplets, I haven't had any decent sex.

I can't afford prostitutes anymore.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top