Here's another for you all to laugh about!

hawky94 said:
I walked up to a girl in a bar and said, "You look like somebody who has a boring sex life. My mission tonight is to get you drunk, take you back to my house and give you the best shag ever."

She said, "My boyfriend is right behind you."

"Good, I'm glad I've got his support."
Click to expand...

I rarely actually LAUGH out loud, this took me totally by surprise. :D
 
In honour of the passing of Hugo Chavez, I've had his initials inscribed into my bathroom taps. :D
 
My 11 year old daughter came up to me and asked, "Daddy, what does '****' mean?"

"It means once a year, love." I said, looking at my wife.
 
The nurses told me that when I pushed the button beside my bed they would come.

Orgasms-zero.

Angry nurses-loads.
 
Why is it my wife loves her 12 inch studded d*ldo yet I get shouted at when the warts break out on my c**k?
 
My wife complained for years about me leaving the toilet seat up.

So now I just leave it down and p**s all over it.
 
My pornstar friend recently passed away.

As a mark of respect we had his ashes scattered over his wife's face.
 
My wife's a good two stone lighter after following the Ferrero Rocher diet.


She's eaten that f**king many, she lost a leg to diabetes.
 
The Cuban government have praised Hugo Chavez saying that he embodied revolutionary socialism.

What? Dead and rotting from the inside?
 
Today is international womans day.

It was supposed to be yesterday but they took too long to get ready.
 
My wife says I never do anything around the house.

That's bulls**t, yesterday I puked in the front garden and had a w**k in the shed.
 
Brian from accounts passed me this morning as I was going to work, he must have been doing at least 100mph.

Mind you, he did jump from the thirty-second floor.
 
The South African police have said that Oscar Pistorius may get the electric chair.

If you ask me he was dangerous enough on a pair of stilts, never mind giving the c**t a mobility scooter.
 
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