Here's another for you all to laugh about!

I suffer with premature ejaculation.

My wife used to take it on the chin but now it's getting on her chest.
 
What a fallacy that people need salt tablets to survive in the desert.

My mate Dave took 487 in one day and he still died.
 
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands.

For example, if she is holding a gun she's probably angry
 
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Man walks into a pub in Wales and orders a pint of beer.
All the other men look at him.
Barman says "You're not from around yer are you" ?
Man says "No, I'm from London"
"Tell me" says the Barman, "Don't mind me askin' but what do you do in London then " ?
Man says "I'm a Taxidermist".
"What's one of them then" ? asks the Barman
"Well, I stuff animals" said the man.
"Oh, it's alright lads" says the Barman "He's one of us!.
 
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over,ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Couple of minutes ago.'
 
I don't get why everyone told me how great it is to swim with dolphins.

I've been stuck in this f**king tuna net for five days now.
 
I've had over twenty girlfriends in my lifetime and not one of them has ever told me that I have an anger management problem,

and lived.
 
My wife says she likes word jumbles because she's a "FACT NUT"...

Yeah...well I've got an anagram of that for her.
 
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jills candy.
Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c**k because Jills real name is randy.
 
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