The Raising of Children

doc said:
all time oyut and grounding did to me as a kid was give me alotta time to think up how not to get caught again...
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I think this is where I'm with Connor right now. It's like the grounding is just a planning period.

He used to cry and really feel bad when he got in time out...now it's like, no big deal.
 
I also think though as a small kid a few swats is good but at a certain age a mother disciplines the girl and the father his son. In todays world it just seems legally safer.
 
pixiedustboo said:
I think this is where I'm with Connor right now. It's like the grounding is just a planning period.

He used to cry and really feel bad when he got in time out...now it's like, no big deal.
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Got any chores they hate doing especially ones that can be seen by their peers?
Once people reach and age where "reputation" and image matters then whole new avenues of punishment open up.

:)

On reflection I don't think corporal punishment via the parents had any major effect on me simply because of the realisation that they could not go far enough to do any real damage, once you reach a point that you no longer fear someone or something then using it as a punishment is pointless.

For all the beatings my mother gave me (for the most part deserved) not one of them had anywhere near the same affect as being given a swift boot in the arse by the local cop.
 
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The Other Guy said:
and that is almost exactly how I would raise my kids. Whining gets you more of a penalty.
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When I see kids try to bargain with their parents, I feel like giving the parent toe in the bum. It's a sure sign that the kid is used to getting his own way with the parents.
 
senojekips said:
When I see kids try to bargain with their parents, I feel like giving the parent toe in the bum. It's a sure sign that the kid is used to getting his own way with the parents.
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My brother tries, but it doesn't work. It just gets him in deeper trouble. Not that he's learned, mind you...
 
MontyB said:
Got any chores they hate doing especially ones that can be seen by their peers?
Once people reach and age where "reputation" and image matters then whole new avenues of punishment open up.
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Yeah, and unfortunately my mom knows all of those avenues by heart. She once threatened to walk into my high school wearing the trashiest clothes that would make a prostitute disgusted, and yell my name through the school until she found me.
 
justin1552 said:
Yeah, and unfortunately my mom knows all of those avenues by heart. She once threatened to walk into my high school wearing the trashiest clothes that would make a prostitute disgusted, and yell my name through the school until she found me.
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh man that's creative. :-P
 
I have so much to say about this.

There is a common misconception that punishment is bad. This is a half truth. This is because they're assuming that the punishment is emotion based and uncalculated. That sort of punishment can lead to real abuse.
What you need is punishment that is thought out, purposeful, has an objective and is within reasonable parameters (don't beat the kid half to death).
Also it needs to be balanced by a system of rewards.
Both reward and punishment must be CONSISTENT, and not varying highly on the mood of the parent.
Being a teacher I see so many examples of failed parenthood. The laws that are of course in place to 'protect the children' don't help either. They in fact, do more harm than good overall because it gives the parents two choices: make your kids into spoiled brats or lose them to the government.

Also this bulls*it about "Mr. Johnson is my dad, call me Andy," has GOT to go. It's one of the surefire signs of an adult shirking his duties. When you are a mom or a dad, you have a job to do and that means you are a leader of the household above your own children. To put yourself on even ground in terms of rank with your own kids is a dereliction of duty. It deprives your kids of models to follow in terms of how one should roughly be as they approach adulthood. Imagine what you want your kid to be and then BE THAT PERSON.
Many people get this the other way around. They see who they are, get all egotistical about it and then expect their kid to be like them. Think of it the other way. You might actually get it right.
 
the_13th_redneck said:
Also this bulls*it about "Mr. Johnson is my dad, call me Andy," has GOT to go. It's one of the surefire signs of an adult shirking his duties. When you are a mom or a dad, you have a job to do and that means you are a leader of the household above your own children. To put yourself on even ground in terms of rank with your own kids is a dereliction of duty. It deprives your kids of models to follow in terms of how one should roughly be as they approach adulthood. Imagine what you want your kid to be and then BE THAT PERSON.
Many people get this the other way around. They see who they are, get all egotistical about it and then expect their kid to be like them. Think of it the other way. You might actually get it right.
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A really good point.
 
I sure am glad I don't have any kids. What a bother. My friend of 23 has an autistic kid, an unemployed girlfriend, and still manages to pay for his trailer home and food. I don't envy him.
 
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