Here's another for you all to laugh about!

Not really, I had to resort to romantic sabotage as she was still married, although living separate lives from her husband. Me getting involved with her gave her the courage to kick her alcoholic husband to the kerb and file for divorce. ;)
 
I rang the RSPCA yesterday and said, "I have just found my dog lying down in a puddle of blood in my back garden."

"That's awful." she said. "Is it moving?"

"Quite emotional, yes." :D :D I'm a terrible person...
 
My mate just said, "What's your favourite mythical creature?"

I said, "Those happy women in Tampax adverts."
 
Went to the fridge to check my burgers... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnddddd they're off.
 
I've heard that Tesco's meatballs are the dog's bollocks.

Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.

I right in thinking that if I eat a Tesco burger I'll get the trots?

Had a feckin' Tesco burger last night, been up all night with the trots..but in a stable condition.

I had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night....I still have a bit between my teeth.

Just cooked myself a Tesco burger....soft to firm it was.

Can't help thinking that Tesco's latest burger product recalls are a case of closing the stable door after the horse has been bolted

These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit. Talk about flogging a de....
 
Capt Frogman said:
You'll be joining me and Highway Man in hell Hawky! :D
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WELL... EXCUSE ME! Hell is not exclusive to just the Brit Pack. We demand equal treatment here...! :jump:

Way I look at it, all nurses will be going to hell anyway- who else can do enemas in such a manner that inflicts the most damage...? :shock:
 
viper2007 said:
WELL... EXCUSE ME! Hell is not exclusive to just the Brit Pack. We demand equal treatment here...! :jump:

Way I look at it, all nurses will be going to hell anyway- who else can do enemas in such a manner that inflicts the most damage...? :shock:
Click to expand...

Indeed. You're all bastards! :P Not that I've ever experienced an enema. But I've had needles delivered by nurses who, I'm sure, just had a gleeful grin on their faces when they were stabbing me with the bloody things. I hate needles, with a passion.

The worst has got to be the one who put me to sleep before an eye op. I told her that if her or the doctor got it wrong, my Nan would have them pushing the dustcarts. They both chuckled and I passed out seconds later. But I still hated her for butchering my arm with that wretched needle.

Oh, and shoving needles in people's fat on their arse for pain, or something like that. I'm not sure, all I know is that it was apparently, "necessary", and that it would help me stop being sick. Wrong. Fish and chips would have helped.

But no, she had to bring out this BFO needle and shove it into my posterior. Did I mention that I hate needles, and nurses?

Unless said nurses are foxy females, and are performing indecencies upon me while wearing a nurses uniform, they can all feck right off! :P
 
viper2007 said:
WELL... EXCUSE ME! Hell is not exclusive to just the Brit Pack. We demand equal treatment here...! :jump:

Way I look at it, all nurses will be going to hell anyway- who else can do enemas in such a manner that inflicts the most damage...? :shock:
Click to expand...

We'll see you in hell then? :D :cheers:
 
hawky94 said:
Indeed. You're all bastards! :P Not that I've ever experienced an enema. But I've had needles delivered by nurses who, I'm sure, just had a gleeful grin on their faces when they were stabbing me with the bloody things. I hate needles, with a passion.

The worst has got to be the one who put me to sleep before an eye op. I told her that if her or the doctor got it wrong, my Nan would have them pushing the dustcarts. They both chuckled and I passed out seconds later. But I still hated her for butchering my arm with that wretched needle.

Oh, and shoving needles in people's fat on their arse for pain, or something like that. I'm not sure, all I know is that it was apparently, "necessary", and that it would help me stop being sick. Wrong. Fish and chips would have helped.

But no, she had to bring out this BFO needle and shove it into my posterior. Did I mention that I hate needles, and nurses?

Unless said nurses are foxy females, and are performing indecencies upon me while wearing a nurses uniform, they can all feck right off! :P
Click to expand...

Well..... you know what they say when in come to jabbing someone witha needle- better to give than to receive...!

I can dress up in a skirt if you want me to, Hawky, darling!!:pirate2:
 
After all the uproar about horse meat in Tesco beefburgers, Primark are now reporting having found some cameltoe in their leggings.
 
The Highway Man said:
After all the uproar about horse meat in Tesco beefburgers, Primark are now reporting having found some cameltoe in their leggings.
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Mmmmmmm! :D

leggings+as+pants.jpg
 
Our neighbour's dog shat in our garden, so my Dad told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence.

I don't see what that solved, now we've got dog **** in our garden and the neighbours have our shovel.
 
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