Army vs. Marine joke

Come on guys, that your best stuff? Here's one for ya-- A squid , a jarhead and a grunt walk into a bar at the same time, sit down and each one orders a pitcher of beer from the extremely attractive leggy blonde bartender. As the squid sees the bartender deftly slicing lemons with a large knife, he says " Here's my finger, I'll show ya how tough the Navy is, cut it off!" After much protestation, she reaches under the bar and comes up with a big meat cleaver and chops it clean off! Well the other 2 guys are taken aback, but the jarhead decides to put his whole arm on the bar and says "Lop it off and get me another beer." Being blonde, it wasn't long before the bartender takes a mighty swing and completely chops the marines left arm off! As the marine wraps a tourniquet around the stump and downs his second pitcher, the grunt - yup you guessed it, unzips his fly and places his member on the bar! The bartender stares at it and says this is , just too much, you actually want me to cut that off?? " Hell no, miss, just stroke it a while, it'll come right off by itself!":smile:
 
bonnieblue716 said:
hmm I'm just putting ones that our soldiers have told me. I would never come up with any of these on my own, I have so much respect for all the men and women out there protecting my freedoms, thanks so much for all you do. Here are a few for your next trash talk session.

Mean
And
Retarded
Idiots
No-one
Ever
Screws


Used
Screwed
And
Retired
Me
Yeah

Uncle
Sam
Anit
Released
Me
Yet

Backwards
Yes
My
Retarded
Ass
Signed
Up

Anit
Ruinned
Me
Yet

Never
Again
Volunteer
Yourself

USCG- Uncle Sam's Confused Group
Those are all I've ever had any of the guys tell me, and don't get me wrong they talk plenty of trash about the AF too, but I can't remember them ever coming up with anything that spells it.
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How about
U. Uncle
S. Sam
A. Already
I. Initiated
R. Royally
F. F&^*ing
O. Off
R. Revenue on
C. Costly
E. Equipment
 
To rustan... I been in the Marines since 1990 and after being in for 22 years I can tell you that we do have all those school. Your just getting all mad and making **** up. We do have air school we do have spec ops, and we do have winter warfare school so that whole post is nonsence.
 
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SgtMaj1972 said:
To rustan... I been in the Marines since 1990 and after being in for 22 years I can tell you that we do have all those school. Your just getting all mad and making **** up. We do have air school we do have spec ops, and we do have winter warfare school so that whole post is nonsence.
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If your airborne school just happens to be just off Sand Hill too thats just a coincidence right? LOL
Recon is Recon, they use Ranger and SF schools/tactics for their doctrine, thats what he was saying. We don't hate on the Marines for wanting good training, their support structure is the smallest in comparison to everyone but the CG so there have to be some compromises *shrugs* thats just how it works if you feel the need to throw accusations around maybe you should take that LCPL-4-Life attitude and go beat your boots?

Back on Topic:

A Marine goes into an airport bathroom on his way home on leave. When he walks in a little boy notices him and stares in awe at the Marine standing in his dress uniform. The little boy says, "Gee sir, are you a Marine?" The marine says, "Yes little boy, would you like to wear my hat?" The little boy says "Yes Sir, that would be just great" so the Marine hands the little feller his hat.

A minute or two later a Ranger enters the bathroom and the little boy, awe struck once more, says, "Gee Sir, are you an Airborne Ranger?" The Ranger smiles and says, "Yes son I sure am, why, do you want to suck my dick?" The little boy says, "Oh no sir, I am not a Marine, I'm just wearing his hat!"
 
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