The Tragic Story of Willie Lump Lump
After WW 11, a boy named Willie Lump Lump enlisted in the Army. He went to Fort Benning to take his infantry training, sixteen weeks of sweat and tears and lots of punishment, to turn him into a hardened soldier. Along about the seventh week of training, a sergeant stood up in front of his class and said, "Gentlemen, I'm Sergeant Slasher, and today I'm going to introduce you to the bayonet. On guard! With that, the sergeant went into the correct stance for holding the bayonet. "On the battlefield," he continued, 'you will meet the enemy, and there will be times when you will need this bayonet to defeat the enemy. To KILL the enemy! Over the next weeks you'll be receiving a twenty-hour block of instruction on the bayonet, and I will be your principal instructor."
Willie Lump Lump went back to the barracks, deeply upset. Man, that was so brutal out there today, he thought. The war is over. We're living in peace and tranquillity, and still the Army is teaching us how to use these horrible weapons! "Dear Mom," he wrote home. "Today the sergeant told me he's going to teach me how to use the bayonet to kill enemy soldiers or, the battle field.'
Willie's mother was shocked. She got right on the phone: "Hello, Congressman DoGood? This is Mrs. Lump Lump. I want to tell you what's happening down at Fort Benning, Georgia. Here it is, 1949, and they're teaching my baby to kill with a bayonet. It's uncivilized! It's barbaric!"
The Congressman immediately got on the horn. "Hello, General Playitright at the Pentagon? This is Congressman DoGood. I understand the Army is still giving bayonet training."
"Yes, we are."
"Do you think it's a good idea? I don't think it's a very good thing at all. It's even somewhat uncivilized. 1 mean, really, how many times does a soldier need his bayonet?"
“Not very often, sir, it's true. Actually, I was just reviewing the Army Training Program myself, and I was thinking that the bayonet is a pretty obsolete weapon. I agree with you. I'll put out instructions that it's going to stop…”
The next day, seven hundred miles away: "Gentlemen, I am Sergeant Slasher. This is your second class on bayonet training--" the sergeant was interrupted by a lieutenant walking purposefully toward his across the training field. “Stand easy, men."
"It's out," the lieutenant whispered.
"What!" said the sergeant.
"It's out," the lieutenant whispered again. The sergeant nodded, his mouth wide open in disbelief. He returned to his class.
“Gentlemen, we'll have to break here. It looks as if bayonet training has been discontinued in the Army.
A year later, PFC Lump Lump, the model soldier, deployed to Korea with the 1st battalion, 23rd Regiment, 2nd infantry Division. He was standing on a frozen hill and the Chinese were coming it him--wave after wave after wave. Willie stood like a rock. Resolutely, he shot the enemy down. Suddenly he realized he was out of ammunition. He looked at his belt--not a round left. He saw a Chinaman rushing toward his. He remembered the first class on bayonet training. He reached down and pulled his bayonet out of his scabbard. Shaking and fumbling, he tried to fit it an the end of his weapon, but by that time the Chinese soldier was standing over him, with a bayonet of his own.
The Secretary of the Army signed his thousandth letter for the day: "Dear Mrs. Lump Lump; It is with deep regret that I must inform you that your son, PFC Lump Lump, was killed in action 27 November 1950."
Heartbroken, Mrs. Lump Lump wrote to some friends of young Willie's in the company. "Now?" she asked. "Why???" "Willie wasn't trained," they wrote back. 'He didn't know how to use his bayonet." Now Mrs. Lump Lump was not only heartbroken, but outraged. She didn't even bother to call Congressman DoGood. She barged right into his office.
"Why?" she cried and screamed. "Why wasn't my son trained for war?"
Lessons Learned:
The training soldiers receive daily is in their own best interest.
The civilian population doesn't know diddley squat about the realities at war
